Mindy Ong, Deputy Director (Gambling Safeguards) at Ministry of Social and Family Development, Singapore (MSF)
More than a year into the pandemic, we’ve learnt to work differently. Many nonprofits have bitten the bullet and pivoted online, successfully holding virtual stakeholder engagements, professional education and even fundraising galas, some even reaching out to more people than they would have otherwise. Yet, even with the most successful virtual events, a common sentiment is that attendees miss the interactions and connections forged in the serendipitous moments of in-person events.
It’s no surprise that many, particularly in the nonprofit sector, feel this way. Nonprofits thrive on relationships. They are the bread and butter of nonprofit work, enabling buy-in into the mission, consensus building, partnership – the list goes on. When interactions are reduced, opportunities for collaboration and innovation are lost. To make matters worse, the nuances of in-person conversation – a look of understanding, a shared moment of empathy, or a tone of conviction that could clinch a big donation or inspire a new collaboration – could be diminished in virtual conversation, resulting in missed opportunities.
How can we build our capacity to network and interact better in virtual settings? Here’s the TL;DR version:
Focus on building relationships. In a virtual environment, the ability to read emotions and empathize is attenuated. We need to tweak our micro skills for a virtual environment.
Improve the quality of conversations. Online, attention spans are short, and people are dealing with a lot of conference calls right now. Get them interested, and make them feel at ease, for a winning conversation.
Build structures to facilitate serendipity. Though “facilitating serendipity” seems like an oxymoron, you can play a role in designing systems that can bring others together.
(1) Remember, it’s about the relationship
It is easy to get caught up in the bells and whistles of online conversation, such as making sure everyone can log onto the platform, and whether to use a virtual background. But we need to remember that at the core of our interaction is the relationship. Some things remain fundamentally the same even as we try to foster interactions online, such as the uncertainty of meeting new people, the vulnerability of being in an unfamiliar situation, and the need for trust and authenticity.
Unfortunately, trust and empathy are harder to forge in the virtual world. Speaking coach Nick Morgan, in his book, Can You Hear Me?, argues that emotional connection is forged through largely unconscious information gathering about each other, relying on all the senses, while digital communication lacks these data inputs. Compressed videoconference software also removes the undertones where emotion in voice is carried. As a result, we may find that the empathy that comes naturally with in-person conversations is much harder to grasp in virtual ones, and that it is more difficult to connect emotionally or convey passion.
How can we get around this? As nonprofit professionals, your key skill sets of reflective listening, showing empathy and exercising influence are more relevant than ever, though some tweaks need to be made for the virtual environment.
First, given the virtual emotional disconnect, we need to be more deliberate about identifying our emotions verbally. Morgan suggests using emotion-laden words when trying to communicate something important, such as “I’m excited about this collaboration”, or “This is a cause I’m passionate about”. This minimizes doubt about how you feel. Also, it is good practice to do temperature checks on how people are feeling, something we already do in person but which becomes even more important online.
Second, even though video conferences limit the visual field, it’s still important to pay attention to body language. Turn and face the camera, as being viewed at an angle can be seen as disinterested or disrespectful. Behave as you would in person and be aware of your whole body, as what you do even off camera (such as shaking your legs) could carry over onscreen. Mirroring or matching, where you imitate the actions, facial expressions, speech or body language of another person, is also a common technique for building rapport, and can be practiced in remote conversation as well.
Listening beyond the words is key in virtual conversations. Scientists have been trying to analyze speech patterns to identify emotions, and some companies boast of having developed software that uses artificial intelligence to tell how people are actually feeling. While undertones may be attenuated, you can still listen out for auditory cues in virtual conversation – tone of voice, sighs, hesitation. Are they speaking more quickly, or are their voices going higher? It may be harder to interpret these cues without the benefit of the other senses, but active listening combined with intuition developed offline will still help.
What about eye contact – how big of a deal is it? While videoconferences are generally a plus over audio-only conference calls, this isn’t always the case. According to C.B. Daniels, creator of the “Conversation Starters World” website, “With current video call technology, you are either making direct eye contact by looking directly in the camera and missing their visual cues, or you are catching the visual cues from them but as a result appearing not to make direct eye contact.” Sometimes too, slow internet connections result in choppy movements and delayed facial expressions. So while video conferencing is a huge plus over the traditional telephone call, we need to adapt to its limitations. And if the video is more distracting than helpful, consider turning it off and see if it helps you focus on what really matters.
(2) Improve the quality of conversation
A large part of successful networking is in the conversation. Attention spans are short online, and many people are fatigued from the deluge of videoconferences they have to attend. Get their attention by asking a great question to start. Daniels’ website Conversation Starters World has hundreds of questions, with the most popular webpages being "Would you rather questions" and "250 conversation starters". So how does he come up with a great question? “I try and ask myself the question or imagine asking someone else. And if I can come up with an interesting answer in my head I figure it might lead to an interesting answer when someone else asks it.” However, he caveats that “this isn't always the case, a question might elicit an interesting answer from one person but fall flat with someone else. It all depends on the person and the context of the conversation.”
Creating and holding the space for others can generate unexpected content and connections. Be genuinely curious about what others have to say; it will encourage them to open up. “If you give people the conversational room to elaborate, they'll fill it with all kinds of interesting things. Follow up questions are really big as well. Asking for details and elaboration if they aren't forthcoming can help people expand on their ideas and lead to new conversational avenues,” says Daniels.
Beware of dominating the conversation. Speaking coach Morgan writes that taking turns is less automatic online due to the lack of sensory inputs beyond sight and sound. A common solution is “hand-raising”; if you’re in or facilitating a group, establish agreement with the participants beforehand to stop and let someone else speak when a hand is “raised”.
One perk of virtual conversations is that it enables networking around the globe, which poses the issue of cross-cultural sensitivities. Daniels says that the tips for having a conversation with people from another culture apply to both in-person and virtual conversations. “Come to the conversation expecting them to not be exactly like you and be accepting of the differences. Extend them the same courtesy as you want from them. If you are asking about a person's culture in an open minded and interested way, most people are more than happy to talk about their culture.”
(3) Engineer serendipity
So we’ve talked about how to build meaningful relationships and good conversations, but the fundamental concern of many is: how do we meet people online in the first place? Can we build structures to facilitate serendipity, which by definition are happy accidents?
Tammera M. Race and Stephann Makri, editors of the book Accidental Information Discovery: Cultivating Serendipity in the Digital Age, argue that it is possible. “While designing systems specifically to ‘create’ serendipity can potentially destroy it by ‘ruining the surprise’ or undermining the value of outcomes, it is possible to design systems that create opportunities for serendipity – while shifting some or all of the agency of ‘making connections’ to the user.”
Consider how the events that your nonprofit organizes, regardless of nature (e.g. fundraising gala, virtual conference etc), can provide opportunities for attendees to network. Enable them to create attendee profiles, which you can host on your event website or send to all participants ahead of time. Dedicate some time in the program, such as a virtual coffee break, specially for networking. If you have the budget, create a convivial atmosphere by sending everyone some food or drinks ahead of time (tea packets with unique flavors also make a great conversation starter), so that they can still share a physical experience while chatting virtually. Encourage post-event networking.
The practical question: What tools are available to support such networking? There’s a tool for virtually (pun not intended) every need out there nowadays. Many paid solutions have emerged, especially with the growth of the virtual events industry during the pandemic. But for nonprofits short on budget, you can repurpose many free or low-cost platforms for networking. You can rely on the breakout rooms function, which is quite commonly available in videoconferencing software like Zoom. Open several themed breakout rooms, and allow participants to choose which rooms to enter, or randomly assign them to rooms, which could enhance the feeling of serendipity. You can use discussion boards to facilitate pre and post-event discussions. Use the “groups” function available on many social media platforms, which allow people to keep in touch even after the event. There’s even a free open-source software (albeit still in beta) for impromptu, ad-hoc conversations – MIT researchers at the Sloan School of Management have created MINGLR, an experimental software system to explore ways of supporting ad hoc, private videoconferences.
In summary
In today’s environment, the boundaries between our personal and professional lives are increasingly blurred. This also means that generally, others are more accepting of these intersections. That can be a good thing as we bring our whole, authentic selves into the conversation, building trust and establishing a great foundation for networking in the process.
